Why can't I be you?
by padfoot-is-better-than-you
Summary: Draco discovers that he really does envy Harry... A whole lot of swearing and possibly a tiny bit of slash... BE WARNED!


**Well, here is the first chapter of my Harry/Draco at last! **

**It was loosely inspired by this song by the Cure. You really should look it up on youtube if you havent heard it. It ROCKS**

Why can't I be you – the Cure

You're so gorgeous I'll do anything!  
I'll kiss you from your feet  
To where your head begins!  
You're so perfect!  
You're so right as rain!  
You make me  
Make me hungry again  
_**Everything you do is irresistible  
Everything you do is simply kissable  
Why can't I be you?  
**_I'll run around in circles  
Till I run out of breath  
I'll eat you all up  
Or I'll just hug you to death  
You're so wonderful!  
Too good to be true!  
You make me  
Make me hungry for you  
_**Everything you do is simply delicate  
Everything you do is quite angelicate  
Why can't I be you?**_**  
**You turn my head when you turn around  
You turn the whole world upside down  
I'm smitten I'm bitten I'm hooked I'm cooked  
I'm stuck like glue!  
You make me  
Make me hungry for you  
_**Everything you do is simply dreamy  
Everything you do is quite delicious  
Why can't I be you?  
Why can't I be you?  
Why can't I be you?**_  
You're simply elegant!

"Malfoy? Is that you?" Harry placed his hand on Draco's shoulder as the boy sat on the bottom step of the staircase leading to the astronomy tower, staring at the opposite wall.

"Get your hand off me, Potter."

"God, there's no need to be so narky. I'm just seeing if you're okay."

"Fine, _I'm sorry,_" He said patronizingly "Now will you just piss off?"

Harry shook his head and sat down beside his arch-nemesis. He didn't really know why he was, as Ron would call it, "fraternizing with the enemy". Draco just looked so dejected, sitting there alone.

"Tell me what's wrong."

"Nothing's wrong. Get the fuck away from me." Draco snapped, shuffling over so that he was so close to the wall he couldn't move any further away from Harry without standing up.

"I know there's something bothering you. I have no idea why I want to help you, you're being such a dickhead, but I do, so just tell me." Harry said, frowning.

"Fine, but if you repeat this information, Potter, you will be one limb short of a set, understand?"

"Yes, I do. I won't tell a soul, not even Ron or Hermione." And, Harry realised, he _wouldn't_ tell anyone, even if Malfoy hadn't threatened him so primitively. 

"I... I really miss my father. I'm having a hard time without him being there to give me advice, show me what to do and stuff like that. My grades are slipping and I don't think I can handle it on my own for much longer. Mother says that it's normal to feel this way, but-" Draco's voice faltered. Harry sat unmoving, absolutely dumb-struck. "God, say something! Don't just sit there staring at me like a deer about to be hit by a train!" 

Harry shook himself out of his reverie.

"Uh- Wow, I wasn't quite expecting that... Is- is there anything I can...?" he trailed off as Draco glared at him through what appeared to be tears "Are you crying?"

"No! I'm not a bloody poof!" Draco was almost yelling at this point "I don't start a waterworks show every time something bad happens to me!"

"It's okay, if you did cry," Harry said quietly "Not that you are, of course, but I'm just saying that I won't think less of you if you need to."

"Why the hell would I care what you think of me?" Draco said furiously, trying to lower his voice.

"I'm just... God I'm just telling you that there's nothing wrong with crying."

"My father wouldn't cry."

"So? That doesn't mean that you can't!" Harry said bemusedly "What your father does and doesn't do shouldn't dictate what _you_ do."

"But for some strange reason, it does. It's all to do with the upholding the fucking 'family honour'," He gritted his teeth "That includes never crying for any reason. When I was a kid, I would be punished for crying. I guess that's one rule that's always going to stay with me."

"You were punished for crying? That's rough. At least I was allowed to cry. They would just ignore me until I either went away or stopped." Harry smiled bitterly. Memories of his childhood were never pleasant. 

"It sucked. It really did. Even if I fell over or hurt myself, I would just grit my teeth and bear it so that I wouldn't have to go to bed with no dinner." Draco sighed heavily, all the fight gone from him.

"Come on. Let's go up these stairs to the tower. You need some fresh air."

Draco muttered something about Harry and what may actually have been the word 'fucktard' before allowing Harry to pull him up onto his feet and lead him up the spiral staircase. 

"Wow, it's been so long since I've been up here this side of midnight. I'd forgotten how good the grounds look in this kind of half-light." Harry said conversationally. Draco just grunted and looked down at the forbidden forest, black and menacing. Harry rolled his eyes at Draco's surliness. 

"Look, Potter, I really don't know why I'm even letting you stand so close to me. Perhaps I'm getting ill... But anyway, that's not the point. Don't think that this is ever going to happen again. And I'd just like to remind you not to tell _anyone_ that it did." Draco said clenching his fists as he spoke.

"Yeah, I already told you that I wouldn't, Malfoy!" Harry gritted his teeth "But I agree, I don't really know why I'm helping you out or even how I'm managing to stay so close to you without throttling you for no reason..." Draco smiled reluctantly as Harry looked at his watch "shit, look at the time! It's almost seven thirty. I was supposed to meet Ginny half an hour ago..."

Draco shook his head.

"I don't know why you like the Weasleys so much. They're such muggle lovers. Almost as bad as Dumbledore!" 

"Shut it!" Harry said viciously "Just leave them alone, okay? There is nothing wrong with muggles. And they're a lot better than anyone you hang out with. At least Ron can read."

"You just keep telling yourself that. Shouldn't you run along to your little play date?" Draco taunted 

"Fuck off." Harry said as he walked over to the door and down the stairs.

Draco sighed as he continued to survey the forbidden forest. He was seriously puzzled as to why he had allowed Potter to come near him. He groaned and banged his head on the handrail he was leaning on. He had actually told the boy about his feelings about his father being in Azkaban! 

"Oh fuck. Fuck fuck fuck." He scrunched up his face, trying to control his anger at himself for baring his soul to that stupid Gryffindor jock.

Draco bit his lip as he remembered the understanding look on Harry's face. He wished, for one fleeting moment, that he could be Harry Potter for even just one day. It had to be easier than his life. All the anguish and even a little guilt about his father's predicament was tearing him up inside.

He shook his head and headed back to the Slytherin common room in the dungeons.

**Sorry about the profuse swearing. It just seemed to fit...**

**Anyway, review please! This is my first HP/DM so I need feedback!**

**I'll try to write chapter two as soon as i can.**


End file.
